So anyhow, time for a nice, long entry.
So yesterday, because of 4 hours, was pretty bad. In a word, bleh. I was in a perpetual state of limbo, much like most nights.
I'm having trouble focusing, and have this overt incompetent feeling, and am afraid of botching this year. It happens.
I want to know what the fuck is up with friends. Actually, no, I don't. I almost want to leave them behind. I want to stride off myself.
I've been in this perpetual state of Vicky for the last 2 weeks, and I have to take a minute to step back.
I mean, come on. I wasn't always this cynical.
So I have to step back.
Christ, I have to get this smug, sarcastic grin off my face. I hate it. I have this weird feeling that I don't want to have.
I changed more since school started than all summer.
So here's what's up.
Old group? Leaving me behind.
New group? I don't like it.
I don't have many friends right now. Sure, everyone 'loves' me. But I don't have too many friends. It's sad. I'm in a state of limbo.
I'm reading a series called 'Johnny the Homicidal Maniac'. It's disturbing, but... yeah.
JESUS CHRIST! I'M LOSING MYSELF! I don't want to change into something different! I feel like a smug asshole... I wanted to be like this and now that I am I hate it. I wish I was how I was.
I hate me.
So now I forget about this step back, and fall back into a perpetual state of bliss, just fall away. I'm losing myself, I'm turning into someone else.
I'm lucky I caught Vicky 2 weeks back. If I hadn't, I would be totally stuck now, because she's all I have left to hang onto.