after september first ended, december began, and everything got a little better. but september first was the most fearful day i'd had in a while. it was the last day of summer, and i was upset. i felt as if i'd wasted my entire summer, and there was nothing i could do to get it back. two weeks earlier, it really was bad. i was in california, and i was depressed.
looks like nothing's gonna change
everything still remains the same
i can't do what ten people tell me to do
so I guess i'll remain the same, yes
i had such high expectations for summer. i was coming off a bad spring, and wanted things to be different. it never got different, it just spiraled into awful.
december did come, however, and i was on a strict natural high. things went well in december, and have up until recently. right now, all it feels like is tedium. but worse. i'm excessively depressed. i have handicapped hours to myself and too many things to think about. every hurdle i get over leads to another.
i'm not going to play volleyball next year, and i'm unsure whether i should keep with it this year. it's too difficult for me to handle. it's just too much, and i'm not getting anything out of it. i'm trying
i almost cried after practice.