I'm not quitting. I can't quit. But I have a few things to admit.
I'm not competitive. I never came here to get the excitement of playing a division rival. Did you hear me today? No, you didn't. I didn't say anything today. The bench was missing something, and that was me. We lost to Whitney. I can't really say that I'm disapppointed. We lost to Whitney. Was I upset? Yes, but no more than I was when we pulled off a 15-4 victory in game two.
I've wanted to quit the team since day one, but I can't. I'm not a quitter. I'm stuck here because of an irrepressible conscience.
You wanted us to win. You said, after game one, "I know you have it in you". I don't, anymore.
I almost cried in game one. Did you see me? Did you see me have to hold myself back, get up and go play?
Did you see me barely give Justin five? Did you see me just shrug off the 'C'mon Joe' I've gotten every game since the first game? I appreciate it, Justin, I really do. But today I couldn't do it. Today I just jumped and ran because I had to. I'm not motivated. I don't care about moving up next year because I WON'T BE ON THE TEAM NEXT YEAR.
The most considerate thing that's been said to me this season, more than Erick telling me about how good I could be in college, more than Colin's dad saying how good I was going to be next year, was Colin adding "...if you play next year" to a phrase.
I set up the nets with my headphones on, and wasn't the happiest guy in the world when Felix told me that we'd be getting in there early because we'd had the weekend off.
I'm not competitive, but I hate failure when I work at something.
You know, one drill can ruin the whole day. Today, coach, it was you trying to get me to watch the ball. You weren't TELLING me what to do. I thought I was looking at the ball. I guess I was wrong. You didn't have to be tense.
Of course you did. You're competitive. But you ruined my day because of it.
You know, one week of practice can ruin the entire season. That was the first one. I never want to play organized sports again. I joined to have fun and ended up losing my glasses, screwing up an AP test and cramming 5 hours of homework all into two hours.
Playing Volleyball this year has been a mistake. I'll never make that mistake again. If it leads me to such an upset state so frequently... not only that, but as upset as I am right now, then it's not worth it. I have fun, sometimes, but the benefits do not outweigh the problems.
I'm not playing next year, I've made up my mind. I hope I don't. If I do, I'll end up falling apart far too quickly.
The season's almost over. And then I glide away, effortlessly. I'll probably never see you again.
You're a nice guy. But it's over for me.
--Joe
Sophomore year... Sophomore year was a big mistake. I'll come out stronger than I was, that's for certain. It's a stepping stone to Junior year, I'll be a solid guy in Junior year. But this caps the atrocity that was sophomore year. I'm 0-for-2.
They cancelled JAVA and Internet Programming.