But let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Today, I decided that it would be a good idea to take five minutes to do everything we were supposed to in four hours and then spend the day playing computer games. Me and Carl, Conqueror, it's all good. After this, we head out to do RPGing at Adam's house, where things were surprisingly civil. By the time I left, I'd created a dark haired female covert-ops specialist named Raissa for the summer's Shadowrun campaign.

So I reluctantly left for Savitre's. I really didn't want to go, but I really didn't want to say that. I went there and meandered awkwardly until we left, at which point I directed Savitre's mom through Chicago from the south side (We went too far on LSD) and had some Chinese food. I wasn't really fitting in. Anything that I could say seemed to recieve a lukewarm reaction, and I wasn't comfortable at all. I got a few reactions that I thought were just kinda mean, and I re-reserved myself for the rest of the time.

We did Karaoke in a private room after that. It was fun, but I still didn't really feel like these people were my friends.

They aren't.

There were love songs. A lot of Savage Garden. I'm disillusioned with love, and my favorite songs are about what's real: failure. And there were no failure songs, but I felt the songs run through me. The night felt like failure and reminiscence, and remorselessness.

I poked Rebecca Darugar while leaving the car after she lamented having no one to share a back seat with.

So why was today so important? Because it was the last day of school, because I made a really significant step in the respect that I got along with Adam, and because the old group remained awkward, distant and disinterested in me, and I never felt like the separation was all in my head.

You know what? I really am a different person.
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