It's Wednesday, and I've been living a bizarre life since Friday.
In the process of getting out of school, everything has changed.
A little less than one year ago, I promised myself that I would make a call. That call was to be to my old grade school best friend who went elsewhere. But I realized on Friday once and for all that I'm a very different person over the last two years, one that doesn't mesh with people from my grade school. I doubt I'll ever make that call. I really don't want it. I was the only one there who didn't have the sentiment that it was wonderful to see everyone.
Three or four months ago, Adam barred me from entering his house and I really cut into him. My plans for playing Shadowrun were totally cut off. Now, I've been through a session, and am on the best terms I've ever been with Adam. Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be three years ago.
I've altogether stopped talking to a few people, whether or not they know it, just because they don't care anymore. I worry that that's not a safe move, but I still do it.
Sophomore year was a bust. I had two weeks of high hopes, and then three months of false gains. But that changed everything. After that, I rode a high. I was happier than I'd ever been. I was happy just by comparison and therefore, I was overjoyed. I reacquainted myself with friends.
I never fell into a pit of depression, really, but I did quit doing what didn't make me happy. Volleyball, Latin, AP Humanities Courses, and Dating. The last may be resurrected someday, but who knows? It's better to be alone, perhaps.
But by the end of the year, I'd found passion. I can play guitar for hours. Though I have doubts about it's future, I can still kinda hope about Deleted. I can draw again. There's so much that's better about my life. Sophomore year was used only to cross off all the things that I'm done with. It was used to give myself a strong footing for junior year, and that's about all.
That's how it would have been.
But life since friday took away something for the time being that I realize that it scares me to live without. Because I lost my situation normal, and I really don't feel I have anywhere to turn. It makes me revalue my friends. I could never, ever take them for granted.
So, in the end, all I can do is hope.