I was sitting around today, after Fallout got finished, listening to Carl and Russ talk about their relationships. The bad, mostly. The bitterness, the problems, the unrealities. Bad experiences, angst and sadness. And I couldn't say anything, because I don't care about it.
It's funny, they're both in their respective relationships, but they can complain about how terrible the opposite gender is, everything that's inherently wrong in the notion of a relationship, while, myself, not being involved at all, I just can't say anything about it. I don't care as much as they do. Maybe that's a good thing. I don't want to care. I want to focus on internal happiness. Love is not what I want anymore, love is a bygone era.
I've got something to say
The last six to twelve hours have infused me with pure dread. To see Russ and Carl leave today just made me want to collapse. I had big plans for the Thursday Friday Saturday period, so much to do, and I did it. I had so much to do this weekend, and it's all over. Now, it feels like the last day of summer. That dread you feel, like you've accomplished nothing and that you're returning to something you hate? Something you wished you'd left behind? I especially hate the lack of accomplishment. It's so awful. I had so much I wanted to get done, and now I have a week where I can't do it. Chances are, I'll find so much to do and so little on how to do it.
Man, it's so loud in here
Lust in Phaze. No truer words have ever been spoken. I don't know what it means, but it feels so right. Here comes the Lust in Phaze. It has to be true, it has to mean everything that it's supposed to. It feels so right.
When they stop the drum machine
I think I might be tired of real life.
And I can think again
It's been an odd summer. I've not gotten like last summer until just now. There's been senses of fear, but my stability this year has been steady. But fear and dread can do a lot to you. I think I'm losing my grip now... I hope next week is alright. I'll come out of it with some good memories, a lot of memories of doing things I didn't want to, and a general sense of anger.