I got to drive at night in the rain. The lights were shining from every front of a car and glaring up from the pavement, my windshield wipers were moving quickly. I was listening to Breathe on repeat, over and over. Another day, Just believe.
Before that, I had been driving Carl home. I wanted to get him home at a decent hour so that his mom wouldn't get upset at him, because we had faked our way to my house for the evening. But we stopped at his house. First I turned off my car, then I turned off the lights. We sat there a bit, talking. It basically came down to a big self-esteem binge on my part.
Do you realize that it's been over a year since last Labor Day? it's soon to be a year since the December when it ended. A year without relations. It's worked out well for me, for the most part, but right now is a point where I do need solace, I do need that mutual care. It sounds horribly selfish, but to see my friends perpetuating relationships and I sometimes wonder what I do wrong. I'm not sure, to tell the truth. I can't see very much, except just plain luck. Or maybe I'm blind, but that's complimenting myself. I don't know, man. It would just be a good thing to start up again.
Carl was at my house because stage crew was 10-5, not 5-10. I have to be up at 8AM tomorrow to get to SC on time. I work spot though, so it's not all bad.
This morning, I went on an architectural tour of chicago movie locations. It was fun.
I am rather tired of things being as they are. I have to change something, I just don't know how.
through the buddy list
I'm sorry.
I miss you.
I'm sick of you.
I love you.
I know you.
Who are you?
Love ya.
You're alright.
I'm wishing I wanted.
Good.
Better.
I value you.
I commiserate.
I knew you.
I admire you.
You're alright.
And I know I was wrong when I said it was true
That it couldn't be me and be her in between without you