i need you here again
and not so far through traffic, my friend
i need you here again
and not so far through traffic, friend
So.
I'm in a rut. And I've been thinking this for a few days now, but I really need to expand upon it. For my own sake.
I feel left out.
First off, I'm the only one who uses diaryland. That may be part of it. I'm stubbornly sticking to it, though. I don't want to ditch all my history. Nigh 2600 entries is a lot of history for me.
Part of the problem is just being the eternal fringe element, but being there by my design, not by that of others.
Perhaps part of it is that I work. It sort of cuts down on my hangout time with others, and then puts me in a monetary position that's a bit awkward. I have money, my friends do not, and therefore I either end up paying or having different ideas than others in terms of what to do. So that's difficult.
Throw in there that it doesn't seem like anyone particularly knows me as of late, or really wants to. I mean, I'm having trouble with Karl that is sort of difficult to address, Katy's been gone for half of forever. And shit's weird with Russ right now:
six times mighty: So.
six times mighty: I feel terribly removed from you.
russ a boykin: How so?
six times mighty: It just sort of feels like I don't really know shit about you anymore.
six times mighty: In that we've only recently started talking on a regular basis again.
russ a boykin: Right
six times mighty: It's quite weird, as when you were at Northside, I considered you my best friend for some significant stretches there, and now I feel sort of removed.
six times mighty: Throw in the fact that you're becoming more well-read, and it seems sort of difficult.
six times mighty: to relate, I mean.
And you know, half of this should be bullshit, but being the insecure teenager I am, it's not phenomenal. Lally mentioned something about me seeming like I look down on others' problems as stupid bullshit, but I have it too.
And everything sort of seems stagnant. I mean, things with Diona are great, but [[edit, because i'm an asshole]].
Summer is unsatisfying to me. And I keep on telling myself that once I hit college, things will be alright. I hope it's not a terrible letdown.