I'm depressed as I've ever been. And I guess claudia helped a lot tonight, it's all a transition, of course I'm lonely. I'm very lonely. I am beyond lonely. I'm stressed, I'm trying to think about a million things at once. I suppose it was sparked by my communications assignment for CS100.
"your preliminary thoughts on the goals you would like to achieve while here at IIT"
This just sent me into a spiral. Thinking about everything I'd like to get done and never will. That's a worst case scenario, of course, but everything was just downhill. There's how I can't fit in with either group that I dig, because I don't dig what they do. There's just feeling like shit after last night, there's trying to work and failing. There's just how goddamn lonely I feel. It's crippling. Everyone here is a goddamned stranger. I swear to god, all I need is someone whose breasts I can cry into. There's the fear of it getting harder. There's my failure to read anything so far. I don't know, I think I just need a nice chair and a good nap, but I feel terrible. I need to drown in a computer game. Maybe I can do that tomorrow while I do laundry.
I hate living in a dorm. I hate it i hate it. I miss my parents. I miss them so much. I don't want to make new friends anymore. I don't want friends. I want to be alone.
I don't know what I want. I'm so frustrated with every little thing.
Now that I sit back and think of it, though it isn't a gut reaction, the one thing I really need is to be with Diona and just let her hold me.