Then again, when it's the culmination of chronic depression and circumstances, well.
Mostly, it's the thought that I'm going to be lonely for most of the rest of my time here, that I've got nothing to believe in, no one who much likes me. I think I'm probably completely self-interested.
You know, I was temporarily composing a list of reasons why I don't deserve to continue to be alive. I'm feeling awful nihilistic today.
the only thing getting me through this right now
is that i know it's been this bad before
but goddamn, the rest of my life feels awful.
Maybe I really am an awful person. I didn't believe it when I said it to Susanna two days ago, but I sure believe it now.
It's just the depression, that's all.