it's that i feel like a lonely curmudgeon.

for several reasons.

1) friends who are broadcastedly more beloved. usually not a big deal, i can handle that.
2) one friend getting married, another joining army. granted, the latter is more of a concern, but i venture to think that the former might be an impediment to active contact. no matter, again, fairly coincidental.
3) a general feeling of loneliness, which is linked to the first two
4) a comment that made me feel like the most fucking vain, insincere, superficial person in the entire fucking universe coming from someone i respect more than anyone else
5) my struggle with my own weight and trying to maybe lose some.

in the end, i just feel like the rest of my life is a trek toward death with pitstops at obesity, loneliness, and malfunction.

like i said, the main stopper is the fear of the unknown.

i may need to start pounding the prozac again.
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