the reason i was there was friends, and the reason why i left was that there were enemies.

but...

maybe part of the reason is that my conscience was getting to me, on the part of katy. maybe part of the reason is that i wanted to have it both ways.

but i think the main reason was that i wanted to fight the good fight. oh, how i wanted to fight the good fight. and for a while, i immensely enjoyed it, privately. but that it never really became the all-encompassing good fight, that's what irked me.

i guess a lot of it, too, was to have been told what goes on behind closed doors. knowing that it existed, as it did, well. i get the impression that i was a hot topic.

i outgrew it, i guess. as much as i valued the friends i had, i really couldn't play in the shallow end anymore.
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